They were nearly in the palm of my hands. Not all of them (that would be a miracle) but many of them. For what seemed like the first time in the entire semester, this class seemed interested in what I had to say. Gone were the faces etched with boredom. They were replaced with genuine eye contact and interest. I hadn't intended to launch into the discussion for an earlier class, but I had and it had gone well. Now I was facing a more difficult to please class and the transition I used before wasn't clear. I considered not even broaching the subject with them, but just continuing on with the class and ending early.
When I finally began to speak on it, it went better than expected. I remember thinking at one time, "Lord, this is going great. They are listening and the story is flowing well." This was the best they had listened all year. I was thrilled.
It struck me later as very interesting that what they listened to the best was what was most personal to me. I've been talking to them about faith and reason for the past few days. This particular class day I had reviewed the introduction to Lumen Fidei and we had explored what faith is and what faith isn't according to the encyclical. I love theology. But to them it is just another book, at times, that must be read and regurgitated.
I began to tell them that having faith doesn't mean that it will all be easy. Yet regardless of the trials, faith is worth it and God desires to be in relationship with us. Then I told them more in depth about my older sisters who are religious sisters. I didn't try to white wash any difficulties or try to evoke pity in them. Rather, I told them about how it was difficult for me to watch my sisters choose to leave me because they were following God. My intention wasn't to highlight any strictness of the orders. I wanted them to see that I understand sacrifice, being angry with God, and feeling like what is being asked of me is just too much.
This second class seemed to grasp it most fully. A couple seemed near to tears but just about everyone was alert and listening. I think it helped them realize my humanity. Do I love the Lord? Yes! But even with this love and this desire to love, I still find myself balking at the sacrifices that are to be made. While I often paint this as a past sacrifice, it is still an ongoing sacrifice. I do not always think of the sacrifices but there are moments when the emotions are sharpened, the scab reopened, and the ache felt again.
Perhaps today they forgot everything that I said yesterday. What I hope remains somewhere within them is the knowledge that life will be filled with sacrifices. Will I choose to make them with Christ or without Him? A life of Christian sacrifice is not easy. Yet I do not think a life running from Him would be easy, either. Life will arrive and demand things and people of us that we are not prepared to surrender. Faith is knowing that Someone else cries with you and that Someone desires you infinitely more than you desired your lost love.
That is what makes life bearable.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
They just report the facts...as they want you to know them
Yes, reader, these articles are fairly old. The reason I only recently stumbled across them is because I do not turn to CNN for my news coverage. Following are a few glimpses why.
You could argue that I am being intentionally critical. That would be true. I am intentionally criticizing a news group for presenting the news in a biased way. They probably pride themselves on their responsible journalism, but I find nearly each word tainted with the desire to misinform the public. News groups, be they of radio, paper, or TV, have a large task: to bring the news to the people. Yet how they do so will greatly influence how people act.
Need an example? President Obama got re-elected. If you own the news, you can, in a way, own the people.
This is why good Christian people are needed in the media circles. Here is a shout out to all of my friends (and all the strangers) who are committed to accurately presenting the truth. You are in the streets in a big way.
"There have been no signals yet as to whether Pope Francis will bring about a softening of the Vatican's stance on issues such as condom-use as means to prevent suffering and early death."
http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/11/world/pope-vatican-science/index.html?iid=article_sidebar
I attack this sentence (one among many from this article that could be lambasted) because of how they phrase it. They wonder if Pope Francis will save people from suffering and early death. Their solution: condoms. By saying it in this way, they present the picture that the Church cares little for the sufferings of others. It completely neglects the fact that the Church works tirelessly to ease the sufferings of people. They just refuse to accept the Church's moral stance against condoms.
P.S. The headline? Please. The Church helped develop science. Some of the best scientists belonged to the Church. Some were even priests. And this was long before Pope Francis. Sometimes news groups are so...medieval about this topic.
"Pope Francis is being painted as a humble and simple man, but his past is tinged with controversy surrounding topics as sensitive as gay marriage and political atrocities."
Controversy. Whatever will we do?! Most of the Church's teachings on human sexuality are considered to be controversial. It isn't the Church's fault that society disagrees with them. The controversy comes from an increasingly pagan society.
"Don't be surprised, Girard said, if the new pope shows flexibility on contraceptives, but don't expect him to budge on the Catholic Church's opposition to abortion."
Apparently they do not understand contraceptives and the Church's reasons for being against them. This is more wishful thinking.
"With a front-page counterpunch, the president said the church possessed "attitudes reminiscent of medieval times and the Inquisition." The bill eventually became law, and Francis left the battlefield defeated. But some supporters hold it up as evidence of his traditionalist views."
What would be really terrible would be to have a pope who didn't follow the tradition of the Church. Of course this is proof of traditional views. He is a faithful Catholic. Hence why he got elected pope.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/14/world/americas/argentina-pope-profile/index.html?iid=article_sidebar
"The issue of gay rights has proved deeply controversial within the Catholic Church, and led to accusations from activists that it remains mired in the past rather than looking toward a more inclusive future."
Again with the controversy. It is an interesting concept that truth ceases to be truth simply because of the passing of years. This comment is a result of a misunderstanding of the Church's teaching on homosexuality. Realistically, I don't think they desire to know the truth. They don't like the truth anyway.
"Meanwhile, 50% of the world's Catholics remain excluded from the highest echelons of the church because of their sex -- and Filipino Rummel Pinera says it's time the church acknowledged the importance of women in its history, and its future."
Those are pretty deep statistics. I also believe that it is time for the Church to stop excluding men from having babies. It is extremely unfair. The Church HAS acknowledge the importance of women. Read JP2. Read Chesterton. Read Jesus! Go in and look at the Mass attendance on the average week day...or weekend. Look at the women helping with the parish life.
"We're living in a world that has become a global village, [and] in this global village of ours, women now can't just be fence-sitters or nannies," he said. "Women now know that they were created as co-equal of men."
I'm not sure I've ever seen "co-equal" before. Regardless of that fact, women are the equals of men...they just aren't the same. It is interesting that the speaker seems to insinuate that in the past, women could just stay at home or be "fence-sitters" but now they have evolved into people who are now equal. I take offense at how he says we women used to be.
"The Roman Catholic Church should become dynamic in this age, so that it can maintain the loyalty of its flocks and win many souls for God," he said.
Question: Will the Church win souls for God at the expense of Truth? Can you really change what is accepted as truth and gain souls for Heaven?
"I think that the church needs to go back to a simple message which is to love each other and not care about what religion we are or what we believe in," she said.
I'm pretty certain the Church never had that message. Yeah, I don't think the martyrs died so that we could walk around in a relativistic culture and say, "I don't care what you believe...I just love you." Granted, saints loved people regardless of what they believed. If you really want to "go back" you would encounter the Early Church. They were evangelizers. They spread the Gospel message. They lived authentic Christian lives. If that is the "go back" she is referencing, I believe she is correct. But how can you "go back" to a stance the Church never held? Simplicity. Not to be confused with heresy.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/14/world/irpt-pope-priorities/index.html?iid=article_sidebar
Thanks for reading my little rants. Remember: you cannot trust everything you read. Except, of course, this blog. :) We need people desiring the truth in all walks of life.
I'm not the only one speaking out (to my whole 10 person audience) about the media bias. Lila Rose is, too.
Check it out.
You could argue that I am being intentionally critical. That would be true. I am intentionally criticizing a news group for presenting the news in a biased way. They probably pride themselves on their responsible journalism, but I find nearly each word tainted with the desire to misinform the public. News groups, be they of radio, paper, or TV, have a large task: to bring the news to the people. Yet how they do so will greatly influence how people act.
Need an example? President Obama got re-elected. If you own the news, you can, in a way, own the people.
This is why good Christian people are needed in the media circles. Here is a shout out to all of my friends (and all the strangers) who are committed to accurately presenting the truth. You are in the streets in a big way.
Vatican seeks to rebrand its relationship with science
http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/11/world/pope-vatican-science/index.html?iid=article_sidebar
I attack this sentence (one among many from this article that could be lambasted) because of how they phrase it. They wonder if Pope Francis will save people from suffering and early death. Their solution: condoms. By saying it in this way, they present the picture that the Church cares little for the sufferings of others. It completely neglects the fact that the Church works tirelessly to ease the sufferings of people. They just refuse to accept the Church's moral stance against condoms.
P.S. The headline? Please. The Church helped develop science. Some of the best scientists belonged to the Church. Some were even priests. And this was long before Pope Francis. Sometimes news groups are so...medieval about this topic.
Humble pope has complicated past
"Pope Francis is being painted as a humble and simple man, but his past is tinged with controversy surrounding topics as sensitive as gay marriage and political atrocities."
Controversy. Whatever will we do?! Most of the Church's teachings on human sexuality are considered to be controversial. It isn't the Church's fault that society disagrees with them. The controversy comes from an increasingly pagan society.
"Don't be surprised, Girard said, if the new pope shows flexibility on contraceptives, but don't expect him to budge on the Catholic Church's opposition to abortion."
Apparently they do not understand contraceptives and the Church's reasons for being against them. This is more wishful thinking.
"With a front-page counterpunch, the president said the church possessed "attitudes reminiscent of medieval times and the Inquisition." The bill eventually became law, and Francis left the battlefield defeated. But some supporters hold it up as evidence of his traditionalist views."
What would be really terrible would be to have a pope who didn't follow the tradition of the Church. Of course this is proof of traditional views. He is a faithful Catholic. Hence why he got elected pope.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/14/world/americas/argentina-pope-profile/index.html?iid=article_sidebar
Catholics: 5 ways for Francis to move forward
"The issue of gay rights has proved deeply controversial within the Catholic Church, and led to accusations from activists that it remains mired in the past rather than looking toward a more inclusive future."
Again with the controversy. It is an interesting concept that truth ceases to be truth simply because of the passing of years. This comment is a result of a misunderstanding of the Church's teaching on homosexuality. Realistically, I don't think they desire to know the truth. They don't like the truth anyway.
"Meanwhile, 50% of the world's Catholics remain excluded from the highest echelons of the church because of their sex -- and Filipino Rummel Pinera says it's time the church acknowledged the importance of women in its history, and its future."
Those are pretty deep statistics. I also believe that it is time for the Church to stop excluding men from having babies. It is extremely unfair. The Church HAS acknowledge the importance of women. Read JP2. Read Chesterton. Read Jesus! Go in and look at the Mass attendance on the average week day...or weekend. Look at the women helping with the parish life.
"We're living in a world that has become a global village, [and] in this global village of ours, women now can't just be fence-sitters or nannies," he said. "Women now know that they were created as co-equal of men."
I'm not sure I've ever seen "co-equal" before. Regardless of that fact, women are the equals of men...they just aren't the same. It is interesting that the speaker seems to insinuate that in the past, women could just stay at home or be "fence-sitters" but now they have evolved into people who are now equal. I take offense at how he says we women used to be.
"The Roman Catholic Church should become dynamic in this age, so that it can maintain the loyalty of its flocks and win many souls for God," he said.
Question: Will the Church win souls for God at the expense of Truth? Can you really change what is accepted as truth and gain souls for Heaven?
"I think that the church needs to go back to a simple message which is to love each other and not care about what religion we are or what we believe in," she said.
I'm pretty certain the Church never had that message. Yeah, I don't think the martyrs died so that we could walk around in a relativistic culture and say, "I don't care what you believe...I just love you." Granted, saints loved people regardless of what they believed. If you really want to "go back" you would encounter the Early Church. They were evangelizers. They spread the Gospel message. They lived authentic Christian lives. If that is the "go back" she is referencing, I believe she is correct. But how can you "go back" to a stance the Church never held? Simplicity. Not to be confused with heresy.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/14/world/irpt-pope-priorities/index.html?iid=article_sidebar
Thanks for reading my little rants. Remember: you cannot trust everything you read. Except, of course, this blog. :) We need people desiring the truth in all walks of life.
I'm not the only one speaking out (to my whole 10 person audience) about the media bias. Lila Rose is, too.
Check it out.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Another Weary Day in the Battlefield...
It has been a rough day and a long week. One of those weeks where I look at how many months it is until summer break and I realize that I have only just begun. My thoughts should still be turned to those of excitement and eager anticipation of the events yet to come. Maybe I feel so worn down because I've been lacking in prayer. Perhaps I'm simply tired.
At times I feel this weariness deep down in my bones that shouldn't be found within the person of only 23 years. I long for Heaven. At times, I seem to ache for it. I'm weary of life. Already this year I've had my fill of teenagers and they are the source of my job. I'm tired of rolling eyes, softly muttered comments, overly talkative classes, looks of pure boredom, and the list continues.
Last week I asked my students if they would rather work a job where they make lots of money but hate it or a job where they make more than enough to survive but have to forgo fancy extras but love their job. In one class the majority chose to work a job they hate so that they could have all the things they want, take nice vacations, and retire early. I always figured I would rather work a job I love but this week confirmed it. Sitting at the dinner table, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to sleep for a week, I thought of what a horrible existence it would be to spend 8 hours at a job I hate, spend the rest of the day tired and dreaming of sleep, only to wake up and do it all over again. Not for nine months but for the entire year. Where is life in that? Where is the time to actually live and be with people?
I do not hate my job. On some days, I love it. On days like today, I go to the chapel, beg the Lord for help, and return to the street/battlefield/classroom. And this idea begins to grow in the back of my mind--what if the Lord desires something else from me? Maybe He doesn't want me to teach next year but rather to...... And I draw a blank because there isn't exactly an application for "wife and mother". [And I would cringe at the thought of answering that kind of help wanted ad. "Help wanted: woman to marry and rear children. Will be paid in a decent house, being woken up in the middle of the night to feed/change/rock child(ren), and beautiful drooling smiles. Mail application and sample of chocolate chip cookies to....."]
Lord, I pray, I'm lonely. I want a "kindred spirit" or a "bosom friend" with whom I may pass through this world. What a feeling it is to be surrounded by people all day long and yet desire to be alone, but not truly alone, just away from the maddening crowd. Sometimes I blame God because I feel that He should have made me more adaptable to this world. My heart shouldn't get hurt so easily by a few rude looks or a handful of subtle attacks. I shouldn't long for solitude so much if I was to have a profession that deals with so many people. I know God didn't make me for this world but it seems I could have been made with slightly more skills suited to life on Earth.
Convents sound like beautiful places at this point. Not because I believe they are easy but because in many ways my heart feels very much aligned with it. I like to be quiet and by myself. I enjoy work and prayer. I would love a community of sisters. My two older sisters in religious life have made me quite aware that there is more to monastic life than that. Nevertheless, I desire it. Yet not the vocation itself. I desire marriage. I am a contemplative thrown into the world who seems to not find time to pray. I am a fish thrown out of the water and I refuse to admit that the water is my source of life.
I'm unsure if any of this makes sense. All I know is that today I nearly cried during a class and I've thought several times over the past couple days, "What if I didn't come back next year?" My spiritual director has been helping me find areas of hurt and bring healing to them. We are trying to make my heart whole again. Today I began to believe that teaching was simply destroying the whole process.
Maybe I love far too many ideals and not enough realities. I love my students--as they should be. Yet when faced with a teenage girl who is subtly mocking me in front of the class, I have to keep myself from crying tears of rage. I love teaching--on the days when things goes perfectly and my students radiate with kindness and sincerity.
Heaven help me. So if you are reading this, stop right now and say a prayer for me and my students. We can definitely use it. For all of those out there facing far more difficult battles in the streets, know that my little sufferings and prayers are with you. And let's all get to Heaven so this can all just look like one inconvenient night in a hotel (thanks St. Teresa of Avila).
At times I feel this weariness deep down in my bones that shouldn't be found within the person of only 23 years. I long for Heaven. At times, I seem to ache for it. I'm weary of life. Already this year I've had my fill of teenagers and they are the source of my job. I'm tired of rolling eyes, softly muttered comments, overly talkative classes, looks of pure boredom, and the list continues.
Last week I asked my students if they would rather work a job where they make lots of money but hate it or a job where they make more than enough to survive but have to forgo fancy extras but love their job. In one class the majority chose to work a job they hate so that they could have all the things they want, take nice vacations, and retire early. I always figured I would rather work a job I love but this week confirmed it. Sitting at the dinner table, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to sleep for a week, I thought of what a horrible existence it would be to spend 8 hours at a job I hate, spend the rest of the day tired and dreaming of sleep, only to wake up and do it all over again. Not for nine months but for the entire year. Where is life in that? Where is the time to actually live and be with people?
I do not hate my job. On some days, I love it. On days like today, I go to the chapel, beg the Lord for help, and return to the street/battlefield/classroom. And this idea begins to grow in the back of my mind--what if the Lord desires something else from me? Maybe He doesn't want me to teach next year but rather to...... And I draw a blank because there isn't exactly an application for "wife and mother". [And I would cringe at the thought of answering that kind of help wanted ad. "Help wanted: woman to marry and rear children. Will be paid in a decent house, being woken up in the middle of the night to feed/change/rock child(ren), and beautiful drooling smiles. Mail application and sample of chocolate chip cookies to....."]
Lord, I pray, I'm lonely. I want a "kindred spirit" or a "bosom friend" with whom I may pass through this world. What a feeling it is to be surrounded by people all day long and yet desire to be alone, but not truly alone, just away from the maddening crowd. Sometimes I blame God because I feel that He should have made me more adaptable to this world. My heart shouldn't get hurt so easily by a few rude looks or a handful of subtle attacks. I shouldn't long for solitude so much if I was to have a profession that deals with so many people. I know God didn't make me for this world but it seems I could have been made with slightly more skills suited to life on Earth.
Convents sound like beautiful places at this point. Not because I believe they are easy but because in many ways my heart feels very much aligned with it. I like to be quiet and by myself. I enjoy work and prayer. I would love a community of sisters. My two older sisters in religious life have made me quite aware that there is more to monastic life than that. Nevertheless, I desire it. Yet not the vocation itself. I desire marriage. I am a contemplative thrown into the world who seems to not find time to pray. I am a fish thrown out of the water and I refuse to admit that the water is my source of life.
I'm unsure if any of this makes sense. All I know is that today I nearly cried during a class and I've thought several times over the past couple days, "What if I didn't come back next year?" My spiritual director has been helping me find areas of hurt and bring healing to them. We are trying to make my heart whole again. Today I began to believe that teaching was simply destroying the whole process.
Maybe I love far too many ideals and not enough realities. I love my students--as they should be. Yet when faced with a teenage girl who is subtly mocking me in front of the class, I have to keep myself from crying tears of rage. I love teaching--on the days when things goes perfectly and my students radiate with kindness and sincerity.
Heaven help me. So if you are reading this, stop right now and say a prayer for me and my students. We can definitely use it. For all of those out there facing far more difficult battles in the streets, know that my little sufferings and prayers are with you. And let's all get to Heaven so this can all just look like one inconvenient night in a hotel (thanks St. Teresa of Avila).
Saturday, August 24, 2013
The Spider-slayer
He is the king of the yard as he runs around, playing with the random toys that are scattered where he last left them. The dogs are a repeated amusement to him but he is most taken with the newest addition, the little unnamed puppy that seeks refuge in a lawn chair lying folded on the ground. A few "nice touches" on her head, a few joyfully babbled words, and he is off to find a new occupation. The red and yellow mini-car is the next adventure. He climbs in and I go around to the other side, intent upon scaring him but failing in every way. Instead, he observes me calmly and I ask if I can get in, despite the fact that age and science are completely against me. Before he is able to respond, I see a spider crawling on the passenger side. I mention it to him and he turns quickly to see it. Even with the quick reflexes, the spider has evaded his gaze and is now on the outside of the car. I expected him to be slightly frightened or disgusted. Rather than running away, he pokes his head out the passenger window, sees the spider, and rapidly smashes it with his little hand. He pulls it away and a leg or two remains squished to the toy. The rest, I now see, is on his hand, parts of it still moving, as if trying to pull life back into itself and resurrect. My reaction of disgust is again different from this little one's reaction. He nonchalantly brushes the spider guts off his hand and sits back down in the car. "Spiders are ucky." I laugh in amazement. "Spiders are ucky, Trish. Spiders are ucky." My little nephew, the spider-slayer.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Sunflowers for the Teacher
Yesterday I probably should have been preparing or sleeping or doing something mildly helpful but instead I was watching the sequel to "Anne of Green Gables" and loving it. She is a character that I like to think I am similar to. While many mightn't see the correlation, it is there--the competitive streak, the stubbornness, the ability to hold grudges forever, the teaching career, the desire to write, etc. So after watching the movie, I went out and picked some sunflowers near the railroad tracks. I felt a little like Anne as I did so. As I meandered into the tall grass, I tried to keep my imagination from thinking of the snakes and various animals that could lie lurking amid the grass and stickers. I cut some sunflowers, brushing off more than a few bugs, and thought of how Anne-like I would seem as I walked home with a bunch of sunflowers gathered in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. I was only missing a long skirt and a head of red hair. [Not to mention a gorgeous man in love with me since meeting me. Alas, no Gilbert Blythe for me. Oh, well...that is of little importance. :) ]
The little sunflowers, now smiling and nodding happily on my desk, have been a source of joy for me this entire day. They are drinking up some cool, clear water and rest in a vase that I found at a thrift store with my sister. Pale translucent green and delicate, the vase dazzles with the beauty of simple wild sunflowers in it and the sunlight streaming through the window. I had prepared the perfect words for if my students asked about the flowers so that I wouldn't have to lie and yet it wouldn't be revealed that I live at home. I'm not certain if they even noticed them. Nevertheless, they brought joy to the teacher.
The Lord loves me through beauty. The beautiful look of attention on a few students' faces...the radiant sun sharing its warmth...the intimacy of Mass in a school chapel, surrounded by youth...the successful completion of my first full week of school...the satisfaction of a classroom of my own...the anticipation of family togetherness tonight...music that makes me dance or think...the knowledge that I have two blessed days that stretch out before me with no lessons to teach...time with my sister before she heads off to school...the enduring hope and eager anticipation of Heaven. Thanks, Lord.
The little sunflowers, now smiling and nodding happily on my desk, have been a source of joy for me this entire day. They are drinking up some cool, clear water and rest in a vase that I found at a thrift store with my sister. Pale translucent green and delicate, the vase dazzles with the beauty of simple wild sunflowers in it and the sunlight streaming through the window. I had prepared the perfect words for if my students asked about the flowers so that I wouldn't have to lie and yet it wouldn't be revealed that I live at home. I'm not certain if they even noticed them. Nevertheless, they brought joy to the teacher.
The Lord loves me through beauty. The beautiful look of attention on a few students' faces...the radiant sun sharing its warmth...the intimacy of Mass in a school chapel, surrounded by youth...the successful completion of my first full week of school...the satisfaction of a classroom of my own...the anticipation of family togetherness tonight...music that makes me dance or think...the knowledge that I have two blessed days that stretch out before me with no lessons to teach...time with my sister before she heads off to school...the enduring hope and eager anticipation of Heaven. Thanks, Lord.
Teach through me, O Holy Spirit...
August 21, 2013
My second year of teaching has begun and I am peddling my way through the first week. It is a long and arduous task to jump back into teaching. However, my dad is quick to remind me (and therefore not sympathize with me) that I had the entire summer to do nothing. After last year, I believe teachers deserve that. Yes, of course I would say that.
I just wanted to quickly share a little blessing from today. This year I'm starting each class with some personal prayer time for my students. The idea is for it to be a transition time from other classes and help them focus on how this is different than the rest of their day. Today my sophomores prayed with St. Augustine's prayer to the Holy Spirit.
My second Scripture class spent some time praying with it and they seemed to be pretty still. I asked how many of them liked the quiet, expecting them to respond negatively. The majority of the class raised their hand and said they liked the quiet. Taking another brief poll, I asked if many had a line that jumped out at them or if they just picked what they liked best. Again a majority said one line seemed to jump out at them. I asked for a couple to share what line they had prayed with and the first person shared that they chose the first line but that they didn't get it really. That was the line I had prayed with and so I was eager to share what I had thought about. I asked them to close their eyes if they wanted and to concentrate on their breathing. I let a couple seconds pass and because my eyes were closed I didn't know if anyone was complying or if they were staring at the crazy lady in the front of the classroom. Then I told them to think about each breath in as though they were breathing in the Holy Spirit. And to consider that the Holy Spirit was sanctifying their thoughts and everything within them. Just a few more seconds passed before we continued with class but for me it was a beautiful moment.
Despite what I am often led to think, the youth have depth and desires that can be surprising. It was a reminder that the Holy Spirit can lead and guide far better than I can. Thank You, Lord, for little blessing, for giving me hope, and for reminding me that if I simply bring them to You, that You will take care of the rest.
Come, Holy Spirit.....
My second year of teaching has begun and I am peddling my way through the first week. It is a long and arduous task to jump back into teaching. However, my dad is quick to remind me (and therefore not sympathize with me) that I had the entire summer to do nothing. After last year, I believe teachers deserve that. Yes, of course I would say that.
I just wanted to quickly share a little blessing from today. This year I'm starting each class with some personal prayer time for my students. The idea is for it to be a transition time from other classes and help them focus on how this is different than the rest of their day. Today my sophomores prayed with St. Augustine's prayer to the Holy Spirit.
Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy. Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.I asked them to spend some time reading through it and then to find a line that jumped out to them or that they liked and sit with it for a while. I encouraged them to close their eyes and pray with the line, meditating on what they are asking the Holy Spirit to do in that line. My first class did it well enough but my second class really took it home. As I write this I consider that being a high school teacher has taught me to count the little victories.
Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.
Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy.
Amen.
My second Scripture class spent some time praying with it and they seemed to be pretty still. I asked how many of them liked the quiet, expecting them to respond negatively. The majority of the class raised their hand and said they liked the quiet. Taking another brief poll, I asked if many had a line that jumped out at them or if they just picked what they liked best. Again a majority said one line seemed to jump out at them. I asked for a couple to share what line they had prayed with and the first person shared that they chose the first line but that they didn't get it really. That was the line I had prayed with and so I was eager to share what I had thought about. I asked them to close their eyes if they wanted and to concentrate on their breathing. I let a couple seconds pass and because my eyes were closed I didn't know if anyone was complying or if they were staring at the crazy lady in the front of the classroom. Then I told them to think about each breath in as though they were breathing in the Holy Spirit. And to consider that the Holy Spirit was sanctifying their thoughts and everything within them. Just a few more seconds passed before we continued with class but for me it was a beautiful moment.
Despite what I am often led to think, the youth have depth and desires that can be surprising. It was a reminder that the Holy Spirit can lead and guide far better than I can. Thank You, Lord, for little blessing, for giving me hope, and for reminding me that if I simply bring them to You, that You will take care of the rest.
Come, Holy Spirit.....
Thursday, July 11, 2013
The Lord provides for the tender hearted
The Lord has given me the gift of a tender heart. I don't always view it as a gift, I don't always want people to know about it, but on occassions I am reminded to be thankful for it. Now this sensitivity doesn't mean I cry when I see a dead deer and worry about Bambi. It also doesn't mean that I sob over soap operas and run to see every chick flick in theaters.
What it does mean is that I nearly cried the other night when I saw a gorgeous sunset. It means I cannot read "A Child Called It" because I feel physically sick and begin to feel depressed. My sister brought the book home from the library several years ago and I tried to read part of it. The story focuses on the abuse a young boy endures at the hands of his mother. I feel sick just thinking about the way I felt when I read the first pages. This sensitive heart causes me to remember things people said or did years ago that they probably didn't intend to be lasered into my memory. It meant that I had to will myself to not cry when my principal was talking to me about how I handled a situation last year. He wasn't even angry or yelling at me but I had to keep willing myself to not let the tears fall. "Trish. You cannot cry. You are an adult." So I managed to not cry...until he left the room. Then I sobbed. This tender heart causes me to cry each time I open it up a little in spiritual direction. I plan to high-5 Father the first time I manage to walk out of there without having shed tears. This tender heart causes me to long for Heaven as though I have been homesick my entire life.
Recently a man who had worked with my dad died due to brain cancer. He kept a blog about the journey he was making with the cancer. Instead of becoming bitter and cynical or blaming God, he called his cancer "the gift." I didn't really know him, but I loved seeing him at the different Masses around town. As I read through some of his blog entries, I cried. He writes about how he sees God each day and encouraged people to look for God wherever they were. I think of the family he leaves behind and I mourn for them. Yet I also think (though I don't intend to minimize their pain) about what a gift all of it actually could be for them. To know that you will be dying and soon. It would make me live each day to the full.
But shouldn't I already be doing that? Why is it that the fear of death suddenly makes us desire to live? St. Irenaeus said, "The glory of God is man fully alive." I want to be fully alive. Sometimes it takes a sunset to wake me from my stupor. Or the feeling of holding a beautiful niece in my arms as she squirms and smiles. Every now and then I am just struck by reality--the grass is really green or the sky seems so clear. Suddenly I can see and I realize how blind I let myself become
Lord, help me to embrace this tender heart. This heart that causes tears to well up in my eyes at inconvenient times and yet allows me to see a beauty that is perhaps overlooked. Above all, help me to place my tender heart within the wound of Your Sacred Heart. Only there is it truly safe, only there can she find rest. Thank You, Lord, for this gift called life---the challenges, the heartaches, the joys, the blessings, the experiences of You that reaffirm that all of this has a purpose. Thank You, Lord. Amen.
What it does mean is that I nearly cried the other night when I saw a gorgeous sunset. It means I cannot read "A Child Called It" because I feel physically sick and begin to feel depressed. My sister brought the book home from the library several years ago and I tried to read part of it. The story focuses on the abuse a young boy endures at the hands of his mother. I feel sick just thinking about the way I felt when I read the first pages. This sensitive heart causes me to remember things people said or did years ago that they probably didn't intend to be lasered into my memory. It meant that I had to will myself to not cry when my principal was talking to me about how I handled a situation last year. He wasn't even angry or yelling at me but I had to keep willing myself to not let the tears fall. "Trish. You cannot cry. You are an adult." So I managed to not cry...until he left the room. Then I sobbed. This tender heart causes me to cry each time I open it up a little in spiritual direction. I plan to high-5 Father the first time I manage to walk out of there without having shed tears. This tender heart causes me to long for Heaven as though I have been homesick my entire life.
Recently a man who had worked with my dad died due to brain cancer. He kept a blog about the journey he was making with the cancer. Instead of becoming bitter and cynical or blaming God, he called his cancer "the gift." I didn't really know him, but I loved seeing him at the different Masses around town. As I read through some of his blog entries, I cried. He writes about how he sees God each day and encouraged people to look for God wherever they were. I think of the family he leaves behind and I mourn for them. Yet I also think (though I don't intend to minimize their pain) about what a gift all of it actually could be for them. To know that you will be dying and soon. It would make me live each day to the full.
But shouldn't I already be doing that? Why is it that the fear of death suddenly makes us desire to live? St. Irenaeus said, "The glory of God is man fully alive." I want to be fully alive. Sometimes it takes a sunset to wake me from my stupor. Or the feeling of holding a beautiful niece in my arms as she squirms and smiles. Every now and then I am just struck by reality--the grass is really green or the sky seems so clear. Suddenly I can see and I realize how blind I let myself become
Lord, help me to embrace this tender heart. This heart that causes tears to well up in my eyes at inconvenient times and yet allows me to see a beauty that is perhaps overlooked. Above all, help me to place my tender heart within the wound of Your Sacred Heart. Only there is it truly safe, only there can she find rest. Thank You, Lord, for this gift called life---the challenges, the heartaches, the joys, the blessings, the experiences of You that reaffirm that all of this has a purpose. Thank You, Lord. Amen.
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